Kate Moss Breaking News: Bish Bash Bollocks

So, some fucking idiot has reimagined Hieronymous Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights, and has filled it with modern bores, one of whom is - you'll never guess - Kate Moss!

This fuckwit, Lluis Barba told the Times: 'Kate Moss is as important to art history as Andy Warhol'.

NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo!

No, she isn't.

Kate Moss Breaking News: Dim-witted Fan Wets Pants Over New Picture

Oh. My. God. Imagine if you'd discovered a new photo of Kate Moss. By which I mean a photograph of Kate Moss that you'd Never. Seen. Before.

Can you imagine?

Well, that's what happened to the lucky young lady who writes this blog, so naturally she simply had to blog about it.

I don't know. Am I being unfair? Is there actually any reason this should make me feel so angry? Probably not. I'm going to go have a lie down.

Kate Moss Breaking Balls: Who's What Now?

Well, there you go. I may hate Kate Moss - and I believe I do - but I would be a foolish lady to doubt that although she may not have any personality to speak of, or any intelligence or charm or humour or top bollocks, she does have one thing in spades: she has fame. She has a big name. She's Kate Moss. Famous Kate Moss. So really it should come as no surprise to discover that Kate has been added to this year's edition of Who's Who. Well, isn't that great news. Just imagine what she's going to be like now. You thought she was unbearable before? You just wait. She'll be all: 'You can't fine me for smokin' indoors, don't you know oo I am? I'm Kate Moss. I'm in Oo Zoo!'

She may be in Who's Who, but she's still a vile self-serving little skank who neglects both her daughter and everyday washing rituals. Bleugh.

Kate Moss Breaking News: The Woman Is A Munter!

Alright I've had just about enough of people saying that Kate Moss is 'the most beautiful woman in the world'. It's about time the truth was told: the woman is butt-fuck ugly. Thankfully photographs in today's News of the World provide incontrovertible proof of this.

I hate to be so superficial, I really do. I mean, I'm no oil painting myself so who am I to talk, right? Wrong. That's irrelevant.

It's not the fact that Moss gets paid millions for allegedly being beautiful that peeves me either. It's the fact that she thinks she's so goddamn special because people are always telling her she's gorgeous.

It goes like this:

1) misguided people tell Moss she's the most beautiful woman in the world

2) Moss believes them and...

3) ...tragically also believes that being beautiful is in some way important

4) therefore Moss believes she is special, better than people less attractive than her

5) because Moss is such an unhappy, bitter little girl, she consequently treats her inferiors (as she sees just about everybody else on the planet) really badly

And this has got to stop. For her sake. That's right, for the sake of Kate Moss, she must realise that far from being better than most of everybody else, she's actually a vile, stinking, nasty-faced, unpleasant little harpy.

And thankfully, these photos may help her realise.




Look at this one. Ugh!

Shocking. She makes Tracey Emin look like Claudia Schiffer in this shot.




And in the last one, she looks like a pre-pubescent Leonardo di Caprio with bloated boy-breasts. There really is something very wrong with a world which not only places such a high value on physical appearance but then doesn't even have the sense to see that Kate Moss is really really really a very ugly woman, both inside and out.






Incidentally - if there is any truth in the tabloid rumours, and I don't know that there is, but I wouldn't be surprised frankly - she is on holiday with a man who isn't her boyfriend. Morals of an alleycat. Face of a pig. Tits of a teenage boy. Most beautiful woman in the world?








I don't think so.

Kate Moss Breaking News: The Most Important Model in the World?

Rather like asking Is Geoff Capes the Greatest Woman in the World?, this article really pissed me off today. Models are not important. That's it. They're entirely the opposite of important in fact. They're the epitome of unimportant. God, I'm angry. I've got to go out now. I need to go to Top Shop, take some Moss clothes to the changing room and burn them.

Kate Moss Balls: Why It's Impossible Not to Hate the Fashion Industry

...Because it fills the world with shit like this.

Kate Moss Love Watch: It's All Fucked-Up

Things don't seem to be going so well for Kate and Jamie. They've been rowing all weekend apparently, because she wants to go back on stage and caterwaul (Katerwaul?) with the dreadful Babyshambes again tonight. Plus she's been texting him too. Pete, that is. The slut. Jamie's pissed off. As you can imagine. Meanwhile Kate can't be best pleased about the fact that Jamie was spotted snogging some other skank in a club the other night.

What a pair, eh! What a pair of fuckwits.

I don't know. As much as I hate Moss, and I do hate Moss, I can't help feel just a little bit sorry for her for. Being cheated on is one of the worst things that can happen to a person and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Well, maybe a couple of people. But probably not people I've never met.

Some interesting comments here. I particularly liked this one:

'I think Kate Moss still has a career over all this time because when it really comes down to it she has the whole "Model" thing pegged: caffeine, cigarettes, and drugs to keep your weight down, and a blank androgynous android stare that detracts attention from you and onto the clothes you are modeling...reminds me of that weird ass Heineken commericial with the robot girls...creepy and sad at the same time.

And picking guys who are worthless and end up cheating on you is usually a sign of very poor self esteem. Maybe after all of her success, which was born at the expense of every woman's self esteem, she feels guilty or unworthy, and subconsciously picks men who will metaphorically punish her.'

It must be especially tough on your self-esteem when people all over the world keep telling you you're one of the most beautiful, most desired women on the planet, and yet your boyfriends can't remain faithful to you. Moss must really think she has the most appalling personality. To be fair, she probably has.

Plus she stinks.

Poor cow.

Kate Moss Catch-up: What, No Stenchblossoms?

Please, someone hold my hair while I vom up my vulva. Thanks to the irrepressibly irritating popbytes, I just got wind of Flowers For Kate.

Jesus.

In a nutshell, Kate Moss is going to have her photograph taken with some flowers on December 13 and 14. But, instead of pay for the flowers themselves, SHOWstudio - the shitbags responsible - have decided to trick Kate's gullible fuckwitted fans into stumping up for them.

'If you would like to contribute to Kate's flowery bower, send your bouquets, garlands and posies to SHOWstudio from Monday 19 November—Wednesday 5 December at the following address: SHOWstudio, Export House, 25-31 Ironmonger Row, London EC1V 3QN...'

Gosh. I suddenly feel horribly tempted to do something hideous. This next bit tempts me further...

'All bouquets will be photographed on arrival and the images added to a Viewers Gallery. Accompanying greetings cards bearing written intimacies, proposals of marriage and general kind wishes (within the bounds of decency) will be given to Kate on the day of the shoot, so make sure you remember to include your name and location!'

Proposals of marriage? Unfuckingbefuckinglievafuckingble. What's worse of course is that she will no doubt get some. Maybe hundreds. 'Dear Kate, I think your gorgous. Marry me. Love Dennis. xxx' That kind of thing. From bona fide, certifiable retards.

And if anyone were to send her a large Titus Arum with a card reading, 'Here you go, you big stinker, a bouquet to match your own stench', it's unlikely it would be passed on to her. So balls to it.

Meanwhile, popbytes writes: 'i for one can't wait to see the final results - it's a pretty interesting idea!' Ugh. I left the following comment which almost certainly won't be approved: 'It's a *terrible* idea. Really really terrible. It's essentially exploiting an already dim-witted-to-the-point-of-mentally-ill demographic in order to save money and garner further publicity for what is essentially soft-core whoring. Oh huzzah. Another bunch of money for this plain, drug-addicted, slightly retarded woman who also happens to be a very bad mother with poor personal hygiene. Oh joy. Oh unadulterated joy. Pfffffffft.'

Flowers my arse. God, I hate popbytes.

Moss Balls: The Hate Just Snowballs. (Snow! Geddit?!)

Now I know that a lot of the things I hate Kate Moss for are probably not real. A lot of the things she does or says for example, I've just read about in papers, and papers are full - FULL mind you - of shit. And by shit I mean, predominantly, lies. So when it is reported in the Daily Mirror that Kate Moss was begging for drugs at her no-mark mate's party last weekend, any self-respecting hater knows that there's a very good chance it's bollocks. Moss is an easy target. We all know she's wildly addicted to cocaine, so if you're looking for a story, it's a piece of cake to have someone say she was begging for drugs. It's highly believable after all. And therefore easy to invent. If she denies it, your story is bigger than ever, and you could always insist that she was so out of it that she probably doesn't even remember. After all, she probably was. Come to think of it, I bumped into Kate at that pub in Camden - The Hawley Arms, that's it - a couple of months ago, and she offered me £50 for a gramme of Charlie. Kept squeezing my arse and saying, 'I really like your boobs. I could do a line off your boobs.'

That's actually true.

You see, as much as I hate Kate Moss, I am aware that what I hate more is the way she's portrayed in the press. But she is complicit in that, so don't get me wrong, I really do hate her. I just hate the press more.

For example, Hadley Freeman, Highbrow correspondent for the Guardian. Please tell me she's not getting paid for this shit?:

"Stun"; "shock"; "bizarre"; "shame." My God, you're already thinking, what could possibly have happened to prompt the usually calm and measured Daily Mirror to reel in such adjectives and nouns?

OK, so 'stun' could pass for an adjective at a push, but this is such a clumsy, ugly sentence that it makes my blood curdle. (The word used in the Mirror piece was actually 'stunned' anyway, which would have worked better. So not only badly written, but also inaccurate. God, I hate Hadley Freeman.) The piece as a whole is just the worst kind of drivel - I mean, you'd expect it from some crappy Blogspot hate-site like this, but not from the shitting Guardian, surely? But then if you look at the kind of guff Hadley churns out, it's fairly standard. I repeat, I hope she's not getting paid for this shit.

Still, Kate Moss eh? What a druggy.

Moss Balls: Have Yourself a Crappy Little CrassMoss

Press release for Kate's new Christmas range of awful awful clothes here. Here are the words that stand out: ever-changing, exquisite, luxury, rock and roll, beautiful, fine, intricate, chicest, glamorous, fun, delicate, pretty. Here are the words that are missing: gaudy, classless, rubbish, extortionate, crappy, ugly, sick-making, talentless, trite, unoriginal, disappointing, uninspiring, bleeuuuurgh. And here is the sentence that nearly made me puke up my pelvis: 'Kate’s own personal signature is recognisable in every piece and is quintessentially Kate Moss... the most beautiful girl at the party.'

The truth is, Kate Moss' clothes are rubbish. Rot rot rot. And that's a fact.