Kate Moss Breaking News: The Most Important Model in the World?

Rather like asking Is Geoff Capes the Greatest Woman in the World?, this article really pissed me off today. Models are not important. That's it. They're entirely the opposite of important in fact. They're the epitome of unimportant. God, I'm angry. I've got to go out now. I need to go to Top Shop, take some Moss clothes to the changing room and burn them.

Kate Moss Balls: Why It's Impossible Not to Hate the Fashion Industry

...Because it fills the world with shit like this.

Kate Moss Love Watch: It's All Fucked-Up

Things don't seem to be going so well for Kate and Jamie. They've been rowing all weekend apparently, because she wants to go back on stage and caterwaul (Katerwaul?) with the dreadful Babyshambes again tonight. Plus she's been texting him too. Pete, that is. The slut. Jamie's pissed off. As you can imagine. Meanwhile Kate can't be best pleased about the fact that Jamie was spotted snogging some other skank in a club the other night.

What a pair, eh! What a pair of fuckwits.

I don't know. As much as I hate Moss, and I do hate Moss, I can't help feel just a little bit sorry for her for. Being cheated on is one of the worst things that can happen to a person and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Well, maybe a couple of people. But probably not people I've never met.

Some interesting comments here. I particularly liked this one:

'I think Kate Moss still has a career over all this time because when it really comes down to it she has the whole "Model" thing pegged: caffeine, cigarettes, and drugs to keep your weight down, and a blank androgynous android stare that detracts attention from you and onto the clothes you are modeling...reminds me of that weird ass Heineken commericial with the robot girls...creepy and sad at the same time.

And picking guys who are worthless and end up cheating on you is usually a sign of very poor self esteem. Maybe after all of her success, which was born at the expense of every woman's self esteem, she feels guilty or unworthy, and subconsciously picks men who will metaphorically punish her.'

It must be especially tough on your self-esteem when people all over the world keep telling you you're one of the most beautiful, most desired women on the planet, and yet your boyfriends can't remain faithful to you. Moss must really think she has the most appalling personality. To be fair, she probably has.

Plus she stinks.

Poor cow.

Kate Moss Catch-up: What, No Stenchblossoms?

Please, someone hold my hair while I vom up my vulva. Thanks to the irrepressibly irritating popbytes, I just got wind of Flowers For Kate.

Jesus.

In a nutshell, Kate Moss is going to have her photograph taken with some flowers on December 13 and 14. But, instead of pay for the flowers themselves, SHOWstudio - the shitbags responsible - have decided to trick Kate's gullible fuckwitted fans into stumping up for them.

'If you would like to contribute to Kate's flowery bower, send your bouquets, garlands and posies to SHOWstudio from Monday 19 November—Wednesday 5 December at the following address: SHOWstudio, Export House, 25-31 Ironmonger Row, London EC1V 3QN...'

Gosh. I suddenly feel horribly tempted to do something hideous. This next bit tempts me further...

'All bouquets will be photographed on arrival and the images added to a Viewers Gallery. Accompanying greetings cards bearing written intimacies, proposals of marriage and general kind wishes (within the bounds of decency) will be given to Kate on the day of the shoot, so make sure you remember to include your name and location!'

Proposals of marriage? Unfuckingbefuckinglievafuckingble. What's worse of course is that she will no doubt get some. Maybe hundreds. 'Dear Kate, I think your gorgous. Marry me. Love Dennis. xxx' That kind of thing. From bona fide, certifiable retards.

And if anyone were to send her a large Titus Arum with a card reading, 'Here you go, you big stinker, a bouquet to match your own stench', it's unlikely it would be passed on to her. So balls to it.

Meanwhile, popbytes writes: 'i for one can't wait to see the final results - it's a pretty interesting idea!' Ugh. I left the following comment which almost certainly won't be approved: 'It's a *terrible* idea. Really really terrible. It's essentially exploiting an already dim-witted-to-the-point-of-mentally-ill demographic in order to save money and garner further publicity for what is essentially soft-core whoring. Oh huzzah. Another bunch of money for this plain, drug-addicted, slightly retarded woman who also happens to be a very bad mother with poor personal hygiene. Oh joy. Oh unadulterated joy. Pfffffffft.'

Flowers my arse. God, I hate popbytes.

Moss Balls: The Hate Just Snowballs. (Snow! Geddit?!)

Now I know that a lot of the things I hate Kate Moss for are probably not real. A lot of the things she does or says for example, I've just read about in papers, and papers are full - FULL mind you - of shit. And by shit I mean, predominantly, lies. So when it is reported in the Daily Mirror that Kate Moss was begging for drugs at her no-mark mate's party last weekend, any self-respecting hater knows that there's a very good chance it's bollocks. Moss is an easy target. We all know she's wildly addicted to cocaine, so if you're looking for a story, it's a piece of cake to have someone say she was begging for drugs. It's highly believable after all. And therefore easy to invent. If she denies it, your story is bigger than ever, and you could always insist that she was so out of it that she probably doesn't even remember. After all, she probably was. Come to think of it, I bumped into Kate at that pub in Camden - The Hawley Arms, that's it - a couple of months ago, and she offered me £50 for a gramme of Charlie. Kept squeezing my arse and saying, 'I really like your boobs. I could do a line off your boobs.'

That's actually true.

You see, as much as I hate Kate Moss, I am aware that what I hate more is the way she's portrayed in the press. But she is complicit in that, so don't get me wrong, I really do hate her. I just hate the press more.

For example, Hadley Freeman, Highbrow correspondent for the Guardian. Please tell me she's not getting paid for this shit?:

"Stun"; "shock"; "bizarre"; "shame." My God, you're already thinking, what could possibly have happened to prompt the usually calm and measured Daily Mirror to reel in such adjectives and nouns?

OK, so 'stun' could pass for an adjective at a push, but this is such a clumsy, ugly sentence that it makes my blood curdle. (The word used in the Mirror piece was actually 'stunned' anyway, which would have worked better. So not only badly written, but also inaccurate. God, I hate Hadley Freeman.) The piece as a whole is just the worst kind of drivel - I mean, you'd expect it from some crappy Blogspot hate-site like this, but not from the shitting Guardian, surely? But then if you look at the kind of guff Hadley churns out, it's fairly standard. I repeat, I hope she's not getting paid for this shit.

Still, Kate Moss eh? What a druggy.

Moss Balls: Have Yourself a Crappy Little CrassMoss

Press release for Kate's new Christmas range of awful awful clothes here. Here are the words that stand out: ever-changing, exquisite, luxury, rock and roll, beautiful, fine, intricate, chicest, glamorous, fun, delicate, pretty. Here are the words that are missing: gaudy, classless, rubbish, extortionate, crappy, ugly, sick-making, talentless, trite, unoriginal, disappointing, uninspiring, bleeuuuurgh. And here is the sentence that nearly made me puke up my pelvis: 'Kate’s own personal signature is recognisable in every piece and is quintessentially Kate Moss... the most beautiful girl at the party.'

The truth is, Kate Moss' clothes are rubbish. Rot rot rot. And that's a fact.

Kate Moss Flash: She Wears the Clothes!

Donna Karan has been blowing chunks up Kate Moss' fanny this week, on the back of a new ad campaign Moss has been shooting for Karan's gear. She said of Moss: 'She's wild and sexy and somebody who has the energy to hang out in the streets, to dance... A woman who would have lived in that rawness but with a polish at the same time.'

As if that wasn't dumbfuck enough, she added, 'The clothes don't wear her. She wears the clothes.'

Now. What the hell does that mean? Is there anyone alive who is actually worn by their clothes? Actually if it was true of anyone, it'd be true of a model I suppose. And if it were true of any model, it'd be true of the model with the least personality - and that's Kate Moss! Not only is Donna Karan wrong, but she actually couldn't be further from the truth! How embarrassing. God, I hate Donna Karan.

Kate Moss Catch-up: Rot Rot Rot

My favourite comment from the 136 following this video on YouTube is this: 'is kate moss slightly retarded?'



Yes. Yes, she is.

And this video also makes it clear why she rarely opens her mouth in public. She's got a voice like something slithering out of a posh girl's arse. And really, 'Rot in jail, you cunt. Rot rot rot forever' is not a very nice thing to say. Not even to Pete Doherty. You can take the girl out of Croydon, eh?

Kate Moss Mole Flash: If You Hated Kate Like I Hate Kate, Oh, Oh... Oh. You Do.

On no you don't. In fact, you don't hate her at all. You big pussy.

Someone who does hate her though is a guy called Joe who emailed me yesterday to say that he'd actually worked with Kate on the White Stripes video for I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself: 'i worked on the build for the spot and i can confirm about her not washing. she really stinks. i'd definitely fuck her though don;t get me wrong, she's got a smashing arse. it's just a shame about her tits and stench'.

Thanks, Joe. I'd quite forgotten about that video. It's worth another watch - although you can't actually smell her from here, it definitely serves as a reminder that she's also a really bad fucking mover. All the rhythm of a burning giraffe. I bet she's shit in bed.



Have you worked with Kate Moss? Did she reek of rotting meat and drugs? Let me know.

Kate Moss Flash: Shitloads of Coke!

More coke bollocks today as it was revealed that invitations for Davinia Taylor's party at the weekend (Taylor is famous for being friends with Moss and nothing else) were printed on black AmEx cards adorned with the words 'Use Card Accordingly'. Get it? Eh? It's a drugs reference! Brilliant! Use this card to chop up coke in the bogs! That's what it means! Because they all take coke! All these pointless rich skanks take shitloads of coke! And they don't give a fuck who knows it! Brilliant!

Then - the other Moss story of the weekend is that Sienna Miller wasn't invited on to the Andaz Hotel after the club on Saturday for more cocktails and coke because Kate and her pals have decided Miller is no good for their pal Rhys Ifans. Of course this is all almost certainly utter tabloid crap, but then again, Moss is a vile and spiteful repulsive little jealous harpy bitch, so I wouldn't really put it past her. She must be so jealous of Sienna Miller though. Not only is Miller genuinely good looking, but she actually has talent too, something Moss knows that she will never ever have. And this rankles. Almost as much as knowing that the only people who actually claim to like her are fucked-up no-marks keen to attract attention on the back of her dubious fame, and equally talentless superskank cum-and-coke-bucket fuckwit model bitch whores like Campbell. God, I hate Naomi Campbell almost as much as I hate Kate Moss. But not quite.

Kate Moss: A Sniff Here and a Sniff There

Yes! Good old The UN. It totally pisses me off that Moss was allowed to get away with sniffing coke in Nelson Mandela's toilet and wherever the hell else she pleased with that other retarded skank Naomi Campbell. When she was first outed, she was dropped by various companies - then when they realised that most people who were going to buy their clothes were also retarded skanks - probably retarded enough to do coke themselves - and that sales weren't going to be affected, they immediately rehired her. Fucking shitbags.

So it's good to see the UN's Antonio Costa having a pop. Not that anyone ever listens to the UN. Shame that.

By the way, the picture to your left is of Kate Moss high on coke with Pete Doherty and two other men each penetrating her. None of them really know what's going on and none of them are having a good time.

That's drugs for you.

Welcome to Hate Moss - Join Me!

I actually don't hate Kate Moss. I've never met her. But I do despise the relationship she has with certain gutter tabloids. However, I don't think you really need to put your head in a big pile of shit to know that it stinks. So I've changed my mind: I do hate her. She's a disgrace, for the following reasons:

1) She makes shitloads of money and all she can think to do with it is buy vast amounts of cocaine.

2) Her Top Shop clothes are diabolical.

3) She doesn't spend enough time with her daughter for my liking.

4) She's thick as fuck. No, she is. Don't argue. The woman is a retard.

5) She doesn't wash.

6) Oh, and she's not pretty. In fact, she's a fucking munter.

There are more reasons, but I have work to get on with. I'm sure I'll come back to it though. What I'd like to do though, is to follow her exploits as reported in London's free papers and use them as a basis on which to reiterate at least two or three times a week how much I hate her. But of course there is a very good chance I'll post this and then never, ever return. Who knows?

One thing's for sure though: I'm fucking right.